It's difficult to say goodbye to someone you've known for so long. I mean, 18 years is a long time. It's even tougher when this little one is your family member, your kid. And yes, I'm talking about my cat.
Baeltaine had been with me since I was 22. My bf and I walked into the pet store to get something and I heard her yapping away in her overly-large crate she was in. Of course I picked her up and instantly fell in love. She was smaller than my hand and the cutest thing I think I ever had seen. Still is actually.
Well we brought her home and after some initial fighting with the other cat she settled into our household quite well. Over the years she established her area and amused us all with her antics (well, ok.. just me). When my other cat passed away I thought Bael would be sad to lose a friend. Not so much.
She loved being an only child, absolutely loved it. She could lay where she wanted, sleep where she wanted and got fed without worrying about the other cat muscling in on her. She was in charge and let me know it. She was a daddy's girl from that moment on. And I loved her as much as I could. We finally got to snuggle on the bed while I read. She loved being under the covers or covered up in a blanket "cave" I'd make up every morning before work.
She'd yell at me when it was time for food, or just if she thought I overslept. I'd often find her looking at me while I slept just to make sure I was there. I think she was always nervous I wouldn't come back or wouldn't be there when she woke up. Being a Tortoise shell, she was always a bit nervous. Especially around other people.
Most didn't know her very well because she was incredibly selective in whom she trusted. Only with me and a couple others would she hang out and talk with, however with most she ran n hid until she determined it was safe.
I recently came back from my trip and realised just how much weight this girl had lost. She was too skinny. I watched her but she appeared to be losing more weight. On Friday she stopped eating I could tell. I gave it a couple days, gave her a different kind of food, changed some things around hoping to stimulate her appetite. No dice.
On Monday I finally took her in to the vet and they ran some tests. Man was she pissed at me for taking her in. She had been furiously drinking water so I thought this could be another episode of renal failure (classic in cats). So they sent me home with a saline solution for her and would call me the next day with results.
Results came back as potential Feline Leukemia, Cancer or something else along with renal failure.. Both red and white blood cell counts were completely down, indicating something was wrong. Maybe was in the bone marrow? The only way to find out would be to run much more extensive tests but then what? do we put her on chemo, drugs, hospitalize her? At what cost to her nerves and to me?
I came home today and she was very groggy, very weak. I gave her some tuna, which she loved and ate some of that. I also gave her more IV solution and I kinda thought she perked up after that but no. She got very weak and all she wanted to do was to lay on the bed with me. Thats when I realised I had to take her in. It was her time to go. I couldn't bear to see her suffer like that. She wasn't the frisky happy kitteh anymore. She was upset and tired.. so very tired you could see it. Thats when I lost it and started to cry. It sank in that I was taking her in and that this was the last night for us to share together.
This little being has been amazing in my life. Truly amazing. I've enjoyed nearly every second she's been here and would change nothing. To this day I'm still totally in love with my little kitty as I was the first time I picked her up in the palm of my hand at the store.
I took her in today and she was euthanized at approximately 11.45. I will miss her so much. Her chatter, coming into my room and finding her in the chair ready to scold me for being late and of course snuggling right up against me at night. She kept me warm as much as I kept her warm.
Baeltaine, Rest in Peace my baby girl.
1 May 1992 - 17 March 2010
I love you.
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